Monday, September 06, 2004

John Edwards Is Sexy!

I think it's safe to say that we all love the New York Times. Those on the left love it because it makes them think that everything's going great, even when it's usually going to hell, and those on the right love it because, well, pretty much the same reason. Why worry about lowering expectations (a la Matthew Dowd's uber-cautious predictions) when the Times will do it for you?

An article Monday revealed that the Kerry campaign was in the midst of a "slow-motion shake-up." Other than a handful of Clintonites seeping into the ranks and Kerry deciding that maybe he better shut the hell up about Vietnam, it forgot to provide the juicy details of the new shake-up strategy. Luckily, this astute blogger has learned his lesson from Kausfiles -- namely, that the Times often buries the lede. In this case, they did it again -- only in a different story, a day later.

Apparently, the Kerry-Edwards campaign is now being advised by a well-spoken "massage therapist" (we all know that euphemism!) from Minnesota.

Katie Simenson, 41, a massage therapist, accused the Democratic ticket of letting Republicans suggest that Mr. Edwards had taken frivolous cases as a lawyer and that Mr. Kerry was a waffler and soft on defense.

"They're going to run you right over and make you look like idiots," Ms. Simenson said.

Mr. Edwards sought to answer, promising " to fight every day between now and Election Day" and assuring her that Mr. Kerry "is strong, courageous and he is a fighter."

"And I like to believe I am the same thing," he said. But Ms. Simenson shook her head.

"We will - don't shake your head! - we will fight,'' Mr. Edwards continued. "No, we will fight every way we know how. But we are fighting for you, we are not fighting with these politicians. George Bush wants to fight with politicians. We are fighting for you. We want to make your life better - don't argue with me, let me finish.* We're going to stand up - I let you talk, let me finish - we're going to stand up for the things that we believe in."

Afterward, Ms. Simenson pronounced his answer a "typical politician response," but said she would grudgingly vote for Mr. Kerry.

The wrong woman has been running Kerry's campaign! I don't care if she isn't Ivy League -- get her a Blackberry!

*Edwards, perhaps indirectly, may have stumbled upon a new campaign slogan for Kerry: "Don't Argue, Let Me Finish!" It certainly describes their current strategy.

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